Migration of the Snow Birds

My wife and I decided to visit our oldest grandson in the Red Neck Riviera to decompress from the holidays. The coast of Alabama is quiet in the winter season. And the people of Alabama are always friendly and helpful so going out to shop and eat is a pleasure. While they don't have the summer crowds, the annual migration of the snow birds is well underway.

Snow birds, for those who are not familiar with the species, are a type of Northern Humanus Yankeeus. They come south to avoid the worst of the winter weather. The migrants are typically the elder of the species as the young enjoy the winter weather and may use the cold and long dark nights as an excuse to mate. The snow bird is typically an early feeder and will frequently leave eating establishments before 7:00 PM leaving the feeding area open for the local species. One can determine the home territory of any particular bird by the unique tagging that can be seen on their method of transport. You can see such strange markings as Minnesota, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois. The Snow Bird provides a welcome change to the invasive flocks of Summer Beach Aficionados that arrive after May Day.

Bamahenge

No visit to southern Alabama would be complete without a visit to Bamahenge. What do you do if you are the richest man in the state? Why you build a fiberglass replica of Stonehenge and throw in a few life size dinosaurs for good measure. And do it in the middle of the woods where you have to go looking for it.

That's exactly what George Barber, the milk billionaire of Alabama, did. He commissioned Mark Cline to build this roadside attraction in Elberta, AL.

Geekiness of the Day

Opinion without 3.14 is just onion.

For the Golfers

Pi Day

3.14  Have a  happy  pi day.

It's Rubber Ducky Day

For all you rubber ducky fans......

Monday Humor

News Update from Canada.....news of liberals escaping to Canada!

The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.
 
Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
 
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota.   "He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken.  When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
 
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
 
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips.  When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers."
 
Rumors are circulating about plans to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
 
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wigs and polyester pantsuits, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. 
 
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious," an official said.
 
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones.
 
"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said.  "After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?"

Shredding It

Peter posted a video of some experiments in Finland involving household objects and a hydraulic press. That inspired me to post the videos below of things being destroyed by a shredding machine. The machine manufacturer, SSI, posts weekly videos of the things they shred. Here's one....




And there's a follow up to the story.....

Engineer vs Doctor

From the joke folder......

An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside:

“Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.”

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. 

Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “This is Gasoline!” 

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!” 

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.”

Doctor: “But this is $500…”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Random Thoughts

From an old email......

• I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.   People get out of the way much faster now. 
• Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
• I didn't make it to the gym today.  That makes five years in a row.
• I decided to change calling the bathroom "the John" and renamed it "the Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
• Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
• Old age is coming at a really bad time. 
• When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
• The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
• I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
• Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
• Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
• At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for. 

Selfie Stick Dangers

Naval Traditions

I copied this from yesterday's Captain's Corner Facebook page for the USS Carl Vinson (CVN 70) currently headed home after being deployed in the Arabian Gulf. During their 6 month deployment, they flew 2,383 combat missions and dropped 869 precision guided bombs on ISIS.

Today we dipped across the chaotic waters of the equator and paid homage to the Sovereign Ruler of the Raging Main, King Neptunus Rex and his official emissary Davey Jones. Davey paid us a visit last night informing us that we would need to heave to and rid ourselves of the slime of the seas, and I invited him to stay for a talent show so that he could pick a suitable offering for his Royal Highness, King Neptunus Rex. We had a slightly talented Pollywog, "Beat-Box Spongebob square-pants" that won the talent show and earned a spot on the royal court during today's proceedings.

When the day was over, we had rid our ship of the Pollywog infestation. All told, more than 2,900 Pollywog landlubbers had been taken into the realm of the deep and earned the title of Trusty Shellback. It was a wonderful tradition with many laughs and great camaraderie. The groups of Pollywogs provided much entertainment, and their Trusty Shellbacks ensured fun was had throughout the entire event.

It's good to see that some traditions are still in vogue although I'm sure that the activities are much more politically correct than in Dad's day. 

Thank you, sailors of the Vinson and her task force. 

Groaners

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

   

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end

Gotta Get Some of This

Cajun Horse Trading

A Yankee has moved to a farm in Louisiana and needs a horse. He goes to see Boudreaux to look for a suitable animal. After looking over Boudreaux's herd, he picks one out and asks the price.

"Oh, I don't tink you want to buy dis one. He no look so good.", Boudreaux says.

"Nonsense", replies the Yankee. "He looks fine. I'll take him."

"No", says Boudreaux, "He no look so good."

But after several back and forths and some price negotiation, the Yankee hands over some money, puts the horse in the trailer and drives off.

The next day the Yankee is back and he is spitting mad.

"You sold me a horse that is blind.", the Yankee protested. "I want my money back."

"I tol' you he no look so good!", Boudreaux responded.

A Mustang and his Hunting Dog

A Mustang retired after 35 years and realized a lifelong dream of buying
a bird-hunting estate in Alaska. He invited an old Admiral friend to
visit for a week of pheasant shooting. The friend was in awe of the
Mustang's new bird dog, "Chief". The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best.

The Admiral offered to buy the dog at any price. The Mustang declined,
saying that Chief was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that
he couldn't part with him. Six months later the same Admiral returned
for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the Mustang
breaking in a new dog.

"What happened to Chief?" he asked.

"Had to shoot him," the Mustang replied. "Another old shipmate came to
hunt with me and couldn't remember the dog's name. He kept calling him 'Master Chief.' After that, all the dog would do was sit on his butt and bark."

(This joke courtesy of the late Doug Clower, Viet Nam POW from an old email)

For the Birds

Ig Noble Prize Ceremony

This Thursday at Harvard.

Hunting Elephants

MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Experienced mathematicians will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise. Professors of mathematics will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.

COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:

1. Go to Africa

2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.

3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.

4. During each traverse pass:

a) catch each animal seen

b) Compare each animal caught to a known elephant

c) Stop when a match is detected.

Experienced COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate. Assembly language programmers prefer to execute Algorithm on their hands and knees.
ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.
ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
STATISTICIANS hunt the 1st animal they see N times, and call it an elephant.
CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do. Operations Research Consultants can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.
POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.
LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.
VICE PRESIDENTS of engineering, research, and development try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely pre-hunted before the vice president gets to see them. If the vice president does see a non-prehunted elephant, the staff will :

1. compliment the vice president's keen eyesight,

2. enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.

SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
SALESPEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as "Desktop Elephants"

Dead Duck Day

Today is Dead Duck Day in Rotterdam. To find out why, click on "Improbable Research" over on the sidebar. It's SFW and should give you a giggle or two. (Warning - the account describes bizarre avian sexual practices and is not for the feint of heart)

But now I wonder - Was it suicide.......or murder?