Random Thoughts

From an old email......

• I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.   People get out of the way much faster now. 
• Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
• I didn't make it to the gym today.  That makes five years in a row.
• I decided to change calling the bathroom "the John" and renamed it "the Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
• Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
• Old age is coming at a really bad time. 
• When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
• The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
• I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
• Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
• Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
• At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.